Michele Borba Ed.D and author of "Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries" wrote an article in Urban Baby and Toddler that I wanted to share with you. She wrote about raising caring kids which I just love because too often I read articles about how to raise smarter faster and stronger kids and I think we as a society are losing track of what parenting is really about. Her article made me think about my own parenting style as well as some of my own childhood experiences that taught me to care.
A few of Michele's tips that really jumped out were:
1. Be the change you want to see
I know this is something we all think about at some point, but what are we really DOING about it. Our kids are little sponges and they learn from our actions as parents-Monkey see Monkey do right? Imagine what they would soak up if we consciously made it a point to help at least 1 person everyday. It could be as simple as opening the door for a struggling mom juggling 2 kids, bringing old toys to a local charity or calling grandma just to say I love you. Ask yourself what you did today that made a positive difference in someone's life and did you share that experience with your kids? I know this works because my 4 year old holds the door open for e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e because he sees us do it and he loves the "thank-yous" he receives from people. I'm going to make this a daily priority and keep track of our "good deeds" and see the positive effect it has on my boys... I hope you do too, and please share some experiences with me!
2. Pause before you praise
This is something I never really paid much attention to, but I am so guilty of over praising! I think it is natural to be very proud of our children and we want to make sure they know how amazing they are, but we can get carried away. If we reward our children for every "please and thank you" or every time they pick up their toys we can create a monster. Michele talks about the fine line between confidence and cockiness and how over praising our children can make them think the world revolves around them. If your child is very impatient or needs to win every race or game, that can be a sign you have a "monster in training" so nip that in the bud ASAP! This is a problem I have right now and I can tell you it is a hard habit to break. I have started pausing and thinking before I praise and I no longer give gifts as rewards, it is hard but I know it will be worth it!
3. Get your kids to give back
This is my favourite tip from Michele. Pick a charity or organization that would interest your children and get them involved as hands on as possible so they can see the difference they are making. Writing this just brought back a great memory from my childhood. When I was a wee little girl, I had a piggy bank that I would save money for candy or some barbies. One year when I was 9 or 10 my Dad asked me to save up my money until Christmas and give it away. Of course this sounded crazy to me, especially at Christmas, but my dad promised me a reward so I said yes. We all saved money and when December rolled around we picked 3 families in need and put together a basket full of food, some presents and cash then we personally delivered them. I still remember how grateful they were just to see the food. There were tears and smiles and even at my young age I understood we had made a huge difference in their lives, and it felt really good. For my reward I didn't ask for more presents I asked for a bigger piggy bank and we made a new Christmas tradition.
Most importantly I think we need to relax and realize there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child and it is our imperfections that make us unique. We aren't raising robots, we're raising little humans!
A few of Michele's tips that really jumped out were:
1. Be the change you want to see
I know this is something we all think about at some point, but what are we really DOING about it. Our kids are little sponges and they learn from our actions as parents-Monkey see Monkey do right? Imagine what they would soak up if we consciously made it a point to help at least 1 person everyday. It could be as simple as opening the door for a struggling mom juggling 2 kids, bringing old toys to a local charity or calling grandma just to say I love you. Ask yourself what you did today that made a positive difference in someone's life and did you share that experience with your kids? I know this works because my 4 year old holds the door open for e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e because he sees us do it and he loves the "thank-yous" he receives from people. I'm going to make this a daily priority and keep track of our "good deeds" and see the positive effect it has on my boys... I hope you do too, and please share some experiences with me!
2. Pause before you praise
This is something I never really paid much attention to, but I am so guilty of over praising! I think it is natural to be very proud of our children and we want to make sure they know how amazing they are, but we can get carried away. If we reward our children for every "please and thank you" or every time they pick up their toys we can create a monster. Michele talks about the fine line between confidence and cockiness and how over praising our children can make them think the world revolves around them. If your child is very impatient or needs to win every race or game, that can be a sign you have a "monster in training" so nip that in the bud ASAP! This is a problem I have right now and I can tell you it is a hard habit to break. I have started pausing and thinking before I praise and I no longer give gifts as rewards, it is hard but I know it will be worth it!
3. Get your kids to give back
This is my favourite tip from Michele. Pick a charity or organization that would interest your children and get them involved as hands on as possible so they can see the difference they are making. Writing this just brought back a great memory from my childhood. When I was a wee little girl, I had a piggy bank that I would save money for candy or some barbies. One year when I was 9 or 10 my Dad asked me to save up my money until Christmas and give it away. Of course this sounded crazy to me, especially at Christmas, but my dad promised me a reward so I said yes. We all saved money and when December rolled around we picked 3 families in need and put together a basket full of food, some presents and cash then we personally delivered them. I still remember how grateful they were just to see the food. There were tears and smiles and even at my young age I understood we had made a huge difference in their lives, and it felt really good. For my reward I didn't ask for more presents I asked for a bigger piggy bank and we made a new Christmas tradition.
Most importantly I think we need to relax and realize there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child and it is our imperfections that make us unique. We aren't raising robots, we're raising little humans!
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